"ASHES TO ASHES"

EXT. ELEANOR’S HOUSE – DAY

WILLOW, 21, and HOLLY, 19, approach the front door. WILLOW carefully carries a cardboard box weighing around two kilos. WILLOW trips and almost pushes HOLLY over.

HOLLY For God’s sake, Willow.

HOLLY hunts for keys in her bag. WILLOW talks to the box.

WILLOW Sorry. Eleanor - are you alright in there?

HOLLY rolls her eyes at WILLOW.

WILLOW

I didn’t think she’d be so heavy, did you?

HOLLY Come on, let’s get her inside.

HOLLY opens the door and WILLOW follows her into the house.

INT. ELEANOR’S KITCHEN – DAY

WILLOW stands clutching the cardboard box, as HOLLY opens the blinds to let in some light.

HOLLY We’ve got quite a bit to do... Mum said jewellery, photos, the white and gold china, and whatever big paintings we can fit in the car.

WILLOW doesn’t respond. HOLLY moves over and hugs her.

HOLLY

You OK?

WILLOW nods, puts the box down, opens it, and takes out a funeral casket.

WILLOW Hello Auntie Eleanor. You’re safe at home now, in your cosy casket. And soon you’ll be wafting across the Black Mountains.

HOLLY Wafting? You sound like Mum.

WILLOW

(mimicking their romantic mother) “My darling sister is going to rest in peace with her beloved, on the Welsh hillside where they first met.”

HOLLY Come on, let’s get cracking.

WILLOW I’m not sure I want any of the jewellery. It feels like stealing.

HOLLY No it doesn’t. I’d love something to remember her by. Some of it came from the family anyway, so it’s Mum’s, or ours, even. Come on.

WILLOW

(to the casket) She’s right, Auntie Eleanor. Let’s do it.

INT. ELEANOR’S LOUNGE - DAY

A short while later. HOLLY scans framed photos. Carrying the casket WILLOW takes the lid off an urn, and talks into it.

WILLOW Judy? Here’s Eleanor. She couldn’t live without you. When you’d gone, she just gave up.

HOLLY

Willow?

WILLOW Shut up! It’s a massive moment.

HOLLY

Whatever.

WILLOW Judy and Eleanor – you named your love in a time when that was brave. You were amazing.

HOLLY picks up a framed photo. WILLOW’s phone rings in her pocket. She puts down the casket, and answers.

HOLLY This is a really lovely one of them both.

WILLOW

Hey Mum?

HOLLY I’m going upstairs, to search for treasure, and secrets. Mwahahaha...

WILLOW

(into the phone) Today?

(mouthing the words to Holly) Oh my God.

HOLLY

What?

WILLOW

(whispering to Holly) Bernard’s coming.

(into the phone) But why can’t you put him off?

(whispering to Holly) Oh my God. (into the phone) OK. Yes. Alright. Yes. Love you too. Bye.

(aloud to Holly) Judy’s brother is coming to collect her ashes.

(to the urn) Judy, do you want Bernard to take you to the family plot? No, I didn’t think so.

HOLLY

What are we supposed to do if he wants his sister’s ashes?

WILLOW

We’ve got to stop him.

The front doorbell rings, to their horror. WILLOW pushes HOLLY forwards to go and answer.

EXT. ELEANOR’S HOUSE – DAY

Brothers, CHARLIE, 22, and DAVID, 18, are at the front door, having just rung the bell. After a pause, the door opens to reveal HOLLY, who looks puzzled.

DAVID Hey.

(pause)

You expecting us?

HOLLY

Bernard?

DAVID He’s in the car. On a work call. He’ll be here in a minute.

CHARLIE

He’s our Dad.

DAVID Sorry. Is this a bad time?

WILLOW appears behind HOLLY.

WILLOW No! Come in. Coffee? Or something stronger?

CHARLIE and DAVID follow WILLOW and HOLLY into the house.

INT. ELEANOR’S LOUNGE - DAY

A short while later. Four shot glasses and a bottle of whisky on the table. CHARLIE, DAVID and HOLLY are relaxed, mid conversation. WILLOW is quieter, watching.

DAVID

So she was a pretty good artist?

HOLLY points to a large painting on the wall.

HOLLY

Yeah, she did that.

DAVID Wow. Amazing. It’s a shame we never came here. Judy always stayed with us.

CHARLIE We didn’t even know she had a partner.

DAVID Come on. We did really. We saw them that time, in the DIY place.

CHARLIE Yeah, I suppose. Wasn’t discussed though.

HOLLY

You never met Eleanor?

DAVID Look, Dad really loved Judy. He hasn’t got over her death and it’s a year now. But he’s... well, he’s not really comfortable around gay people.

HOLLY

Maybe he’s gay himself, in denial?

CHARLIE

Shut up Holly, what would you know?

HOLLY Woah. Sorry. Where is he anyway?

DAVID

I’ll WhatsApp him.

DAVID takes out his phone and taps a message. Awkward pause.

WILLOW

Why didn’t he come to Eleanor’s funeral?

CHARLIE He didn’t even go to Judy’s.

HOLLY I was going to say, I don’t remember meeting Judy’s brother at her funeral.

WILLOW

So sad.

CHARLIE He just believes in traditional marriage. One man, one woman. That’s how he was brought up.

WILLOW

Poor Judy.

DAVID’s phone beeps. He looks at it.

DAVID OK, Dad’s really sorry. This work call is going on much longer than he expected. Can we hold on? It’s going to be another thirty minutes.

HOLLY Sure. It’s nice to get to know you.

DAVID I was thinking the same. We could have been, like, cousins.

HOLLY Yeah. Wow. We missed out there.

CHARLIE

I’ll drink to that.

They ALL raise their shot glasses, clink and drink. WILLOW slams hers down.

WILLOW Charlie, David, I’m just going to say this. We’re not giving you Judy’s ashes.

CHARLIE What?

HOLLY

Willow...?

WILLOW She wouldn’t want to be buried in your family plot. That would be continuing the fantasy that she didn’t have a partner.

DAVID It’s not your business.

WILLOW We knew Judy really well. She wanted her ashes scattered with Eleanor’s, in the Black Mountains.

CHARLIE But what does it matter? They’re dead.

WILLOW You have no soul. And no respect.

A tense pause, as CHARLIE looks shamefaced.

HOLLY

Willow, if it’s about respecting their wishes, maybe Eleanor’s ashes should go with Judy’s? At least they’d be together somewhere?

WILLOW

No way.

CHARLIE Thanks Holly, but Dad wouldn’t have that. His mother wouldn’t approve.

DAVID He says she’d turn in her grave if she knew her daughter was a lesbian.

HOLLY How can she not approve? She’s dead. She might not even know that we’ve got gay marriage now.

WILLOW Poor Judy. It’s not happening anyway. She was never going with you, and she’s certainly not going to a homophobic family plot.

There is an extremely awkward silence. Until DAVID has a light bulb moment.

DAVID

I’ve got an idea.

INT. ELEANOR’S KITCHEN – DAY

A short while later. WILLOW, HOLLY, CHARLIE and DAVID are at the table, loaded with casket, urn, large mixing bowl, two large spoons, and the four shot glasses full of whisky.

WILLOW We are gathered together today to celebrate the love of two wonderful women. They deserve to rest in peace together, for ever. May it be so.

HOLLY, CHARLIE and DAVID (TOGETHER)

May it be so.

WILLOW Let us take up our spoons.

CHARLIE and WILLOW hold up spoons, standing on guard.

WILLOW

Lids off.

HOLLY and DAVID remove the lids from casket and urn.

WILLOW

Raise your glasses.

WILLOW, HOLLY, CHARLIE and DAVID each pick up a shot glass.

ALL

To Eleanor and Judy!

They ALL drink their shots in one.

WILLOW

Now, pour!

HOLLY pours dark grey ashes from the casket, while DAVID pours off-white ashes from the urn, into the large mixing bowl.

WILLOW

Now, mix!

WILLOW and CHARLIE respectfully mix the two separate piles.

CHARLIE

Why are they different colours?

DAVID

(After a pause) Shall I Google it?

CHARLIE

Yeah, go on.

DAVID taps his phone. WILLOW and CHARLIE continue to stir.

DAVID Here you go. There are two ways of cremating people. By fire and by water.

CHARLIE Water?

DAVID Yeah, it says here, alkaline hydrolysis. Water cremation makes lighter coloured ashes.

CHARLIE

Who knew? Well, here we have the Judy and Eleanor elemental mix - fire and water – a perfect blend of dove grey.

WILLOW and CHARLIE stir until the ashes are fully mixed. DAVID’s phone beeps. He looks at it.

DAVID

Dad’s on his way.

CHARLIE

Oh God.

DAVID and HOLLY hold the urn and casket. CHARLIE hastily spoons ashes into them.

WILLOW Hang on. Show some respect. Please.

DAVID

Come on, Willow.

WILLOW The elemental remains of Eleanor and Judy: a metaphysical secret known only to us four.

WILLOW and HOLLY fill the casket. CHARLIE and DAVID fill the urn. Ash escapes onto hands and clothes. WILLOW’s phone rings.

WILLOW

Oh no, not now.

HOLLY

It’ll be Mum.

WILLOW wipes her hands at the sink, brushing off her clothes, and answers her phone. The OTHERS continue to spoon ash, and can’t help laughing at the ludicrous situation. WILLOW shushes them, and throws over damp cloths to wipe up the mess.

WILLOW Hey, Mum? Yeah. No, not Bernard. His sons. I’ll explain later. Got to go. Love you.

Just as WILLOW stops speaking, the task is finished. HOLLY replaces the casket lid and DAVID replaces the urn lid. The doorbell rings. They laugh, slightly hysterically, and jump round in a celebratory group hug.

ALL

Yess! We did it! Woohoo!

The doorbell rings again, more insistently. CHARLIE picks up the urn, and they ALL triumphantly make to answer the door.

THE END

A true life dilemma about two gay partners’ mortal remains prompted this script by UEA MA student and former BBC documentary maker Deborah Perkin.