'September Doubt Engine' and Other Poems.

September Doubt Engine

Sometimes we’re insecure for self-defence.

It makes us check ourselves

& fight, defend a podium

We’re sure that we have earned.

But often we are insecure

Because we’re not the people

That others thought we were.

We’re underqualified

for our engagements.

We take up space

(dramatic staging), sponge of attention,

Through pathetic

self-effacing.

You’re not a monarch.

You’re not a genius.

You’re not unique in your anxieties

Or largely unobserved hurt

& you’re no miracle worker.

You’re just another voice in the room.

Your apprehensive silence

takes you further.

Good listeners make good learners.

I’ve seen a squirrel jump.

She knew which branch

to throw her weight upon

And which to leave aside.

Accidental Us

Do the muses walk as flesh and soul

Or do they move as stone?

Do they see more than immediacy

Or are their legacies unknown?

We all have said things flippantly

Only for loved ones to take note

And the artists that observe us

Remember in their paint and prose

Remember slips and blunders

Not as the watermarks of growth,

And how you made yourself important

And how you built yourself a throne.

You don’t choose how you’re perceived

Which of your footprints go on show.

If you tread gentle when you step

The best of you remains, in stone.

Abacus

You don’t have to give your money,

You don’t have to give your love,

You don’t have to offer up your shoulder, just

Give a little piece of yourself.

Well I’ve run out of money.

There is no patience in my love.

I’m frantic I won’t hear you now;

Myself, just like a fund, runs out.

But see:

You gave yourself when you said you couldn’t,

& you gave yourself when you gratefully took.

You gave like a pilgrim

Your hands full of sun

When you gave up

and no longer stood.

At once too much and not enough. A trusting moon is coming up:

At once too much

And not enough.

These three poems, from debut writer Angus Brown are concerned with anxiety around the transference that comes with each new stage of life.

"Letting go is easier said than done and lately I've found it necessary to reflect on that brutal, pubertal process." - Angus